Threshold Process Stories

Choosing Life, Choosing Love

By Chi Young

For most of this lifetime, there were parts of me that felt like they didn't want to be here, to root into my body and the Earth. This was incredibly painful and even though I’ve done a lot of healing around this, I still moved in the world in a way where I wasn’t committed to truly being here and I continued to hold onto false beliefs like: My life really doesn’t matter and that I have no power. And what made it even more painful was that I also felt the preciousness of life and that I truly wanted to live but how could I fully express my Soul and power if I (parts of myself) were so determined to not be here? And how could I trust myself if I kept making choices to support these false beliefs? I was aware that I was feeding these stories and it was (and has been for a long time) getting to a point where avoiding life was getting to be more painful than choosing to actually be here, to really live.

I was also aware of how challenging it was for me to really trust: other humans, helping spirits, myself. I knew that at this point in my life, I needed community, to be vulnerable and ask for support and not just hide behind certain identities. Ugh.

My experience at Threshold wasn’t filled with dramatic healings and big openings. It was more subtle and quiet but quite profound and there was something about the act of showing up, to engage with others, to committing to the process and trusting what was unfolding that started to subtly shift something even if I wasn’t quite sure what was happening. Each journey, each time we tended the Earth Shrine, each interaction, helped me to trust a bit more and my choice to be here. I just kept choosing to show up. 

I’m still very much in process of what unfolded for me during the retreat and I’m understanding now that the Threshold is just the beginning. 

I am continuing to choose to be here, to root in my body and Earth with more of a knowing that my life matters. What I say (don’t say), What I do (don’t do) matters, how I relate matters. I feel both a determination to be here and a strengthening and also incredible vulnerability at times. I feel the ways my energy body is shifting and my inner selves are at times freaking out. And I’m still making the choice to connect with the Earth and listen, to do clearings and bring more of myself home, to journey and connect with my helping spirits to ask for help, and to risk a bit more and make decisions that are more soul aligned and not motivated by safety and comfort. I feel how these things bring me more into connection with myself and life. And I have and will forget this at times but I’m starting to heal from the lie that I am separate, that I have no power to affect change. I’m choosing Life and Love. I’m choosing to tend and nourish this. And fortunately, I have a community of dear humans and other- than-humans who remind me to keep going,  that my life matters and that I am deeply supported.

As I write this, I look out my window and see the beautiful maple tree who reminds me each morning: “You are alive, you are breathing. You are a part of Life.”

Threshold Story #2

By Anonymous

In the first 18 months of pandemic Last Mask classes on Zoom, I would give myself an A+ for completing what I started. In the following 18 months I’d get an F.

At the beginning of the online classes, doing the solo work of clearing, dancing, and holding rituals individually was empowering and pleasurable. By the time it was time to craft power objects and gather up offerings for the Oct 2022 HAL 2 ancestralization ritual, I was cooked. “Rituals are WORK. I wish that I wasn’t building this fire by myself.” My relationship with spirit was bolstered by the ancestralization, but I anticipated that it was temporary and that I'd just plateau again. 

And then Threshold registration opened up for multiple days in-person! I could share in rituals, but not be solely responsible for the human tasks! I went!I experienced a substantial energy body upgrade, my communal self was thrilled to be invited, and I was discomfited to learn that I believed that I must always give more than I can receive. I vowed to accept the earth as my teacher and since then many transformations have occurred! But the one I’m most excited to share with you is a soul retrieval. A 7-year old part returned with many ways of knowing, and the ability to express those knowings.  

Tonight I took my daughter to the pool and as I watched her, I heard a voice “Excuse me...excuse me...excuse me…” and I turned to look for who was speaking to me. A 4 year old navigating by grabbing the pool sides wanted me to move out of his way. As he passed, he looked me in the eye and said, “Did you know that you can do anything?”

The 7-year old part replied back to him, “Yes.”

Threshold Story #3

By Sharon

I came to the Threshold Process from a place of profound disconnection. Years of chronic illness, trauma, and spiritual wounding had left me isolated and dissociated. I had tried everything - therapies, healing paths, even a previous shamanic process - but some things stayed stuck, and I felt unable to move forward on my animist life path and unable to really do the things I knew I was here to do in this life.

On Winter Solstice, I sat by the fire and asked my guides what would truly help. They said: qigong and community. Though terrified, I said yes to a daily qigong practice and then to the Threshold Process.

As I moved through the Threshold Process, old patterns surfaced of shields, isolation, and the story of being evil. I wanted to run away, but I stayed, I danced, I cleared. I journeyed and worked with the elements. At the river, I surrendered to the current, and in a moment of feeling pure Oneness with the Water, something in me became free. The river took one of my shoes as the symbol of an old foundation washed away. In the final dance, I felt my true divinity step through, and I knew in that moment that if I chose to do the work, something could be truly different.

In the weeks and months following the retreat in Troutdale, I worked to let go of how I was holding on to the old patterns, and received confirmation at my Earth shrine that I was succeeding. Since then, I’ve been reclaiming my body, my heart, my community self, my authenticity, and my capacity for love. The old story of being evil has not returned, and the old patterns of dissociation and isolation have lessened their grip. As I have continued in the Cycle Teachings following the Threshold, I have been able to move forward on the animist life path that felt impossible before.

Next
Next

Community Art